The Daily Poo-phet: where you read about the latest ta-poos!

Dear Auntie So Shall,

Help! I have recently split up with my boyfriend of  6 years and now I am interested in someone new but I’ve been away from the dating game for so long that I have no idea what to do! This new guy asked me for my number but after I gave it to him, he never called. Do you think he is already married and that’s why he hasn’t rung? How can you tell if a guy is already married or not anyway if he isn’t wearing a ring? Or do you think maybe he just asked for my number without ever having the intention to call? My friend thinks he might’ve asked me for my number just to see if he could still pull it off but I think I value your opinion more.

I’m not really looking for a relationship at the moment, but this guy is sort of cute and I would like to get to know him better. And Auntie…if he doesn’t call by the end of this week, should I contact him again or should I just forget about him??

Newfound Freedom Grandma

Dear Grandma,

Assuming you’re a young lady full of potential and not bad-looking, why aren’t you playing the field instead of moping about for this one man? Auntie So Shall thinks that if you can email and write Auntie So Shall a letter full of pondering questions, then you should be out there drinking Cosmopolitans in a bar surrounded by handsome young men and not be wasting time with questions. Grandma, Auntie So Shall likes the nice quiet life but if Auntie was in your shoes and just got out of a six year relationship, Auntie wouldn’t be moping around alone at home or just alone, wondering why ONE man didn’t call back.

But if you really want an answer to your last question, Auntie So Shall would advise getting out of your house and calling the guy you think is cute (and other guys you think are cute) back, and just really should be enjoying your newfound freedom.

Attachingly yours,

Auntie So Shall

**Dear Auntie So Shall written by Auntie So Shall, also known as The Lady Who Tries Not to Leave Her House (TLWTNTLHH). Write to Dear Auntie So Shall at thedailypoophet at gmail dot com **

Dear Auntie So Shall,

My boyfriend of 6 years recently got his ears pierced. Initially I didn’t want him to, but he said he wanted to try it out since all the hot Korean boy bands are sporting diamonds in their lobes and I must admit it has upped his coolness factor.

We spent last weekend in at the beach, just the two of us, where I also noticed more changes about him. Before, he would just roughly stuff some clothes into his bag, but this time when we unpacked, all his shirts and pants were neatly folded and sorted into matching outfits. He even had a small bag packed full of toiletries that included an expensive set of face wash, moisturizer, a hydrating mask, eye cream, and whitening body lotion for men! Even I don’t use whitening body lotion or hydrating masks! When I asked him about them, he said he just wanted to try it out. I began to suspect that this is the doing of his gay college roommate of two years. They went on a trip to Japan together last month and now that I think about it, my boyfriend has been talking about his “Mate” more and more since then and they are constantly on the phone or messaging each other. When I asked my boyfriend if he was turning gay he vehemently said “no” and got mad at me for even asking him!

What should I do, Auntie So Shall? How can he suddenly turn gay after 6 years with me? If he is not gay, then how can I make him stop all this girly behavior and turn him back into the manly man he used to be?

Don’t Want No Brokeback Man

Dear Brokeback Man or whatever,

Forgive Auntie So Shall if she seems a bit blunt today. She just had a very good piece of fudge cake and isn’t going to waste her happy food reflection time on some whiny young ‘un in a good six-year relationship. May Auntie So Shall ask if DWNBM arrived from the stone age? Auntie So Shall really must recommend that you google using the key words ‘metrosexual’ and ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’, which Auntie is very fond of herself. If your boyfriend of six years denies he’s gay, then believe him, and next time you two go to a beach trip tell him to bring an extra pack of hydrating mask and you can take turns doing each other. I mean, helping each other put on the hydrating masks. Puh-lease, Auntie So Shall has better things to do than confirming to you that your six year’s worth of a boyfriend isn’t gay… like having a chat with my neighbour, whose half a year boyfriend recently announced he WAS gay. Auntie So Shall really must bring some of this fudge cake over there and share it with the poor gal.

Fudgingly,

Auntie So Shall

**Dear Auntie So Shall written by Auntie So Shall, also known as The Lady Who Tries Not to Leave Her House (TLWTNTLHH). Write to Dear Auntie So Shall at thedailypoophet at gmail dot com **

Auntie So Shall is the senior editor and reporter of TDP, and is usually found hovering around the internet from work or home. Auntie So Shall covers the Dear Auntie So Shall column where she and the gremlins answer all questions from writers. She also writes about the latest fads in staying at home, and if you’re lucky, an occasional splash at the local bar. In her spare time, Auntie So Shall stays hip and young by playing the Wii.

If you or any family and friends has been feeling blue, red, purple, orange or green lately, or want to stay-home-and-play-your-wii-but-got-dragged-out-to-a-bar, or has been diagnosed as weird, hyper, kooky, over-friendly, under-friendly, and has tips to the latest fad of stuff to do at home, please write and tell me about it.

Your personal comments will most definitely be read by Auntie So Shall, chances are they will be shared with the rest of the internet community, and unquestionably will be operated on by a roomful of gremlins in Auntie So Shall’s back storeroom. Please share your comments today.

Seeing as Auntie So Shall has a stack of ripped letters covered in gremlin goo sitting in the corner… Auntie So Shall will start on a letter as soon as she finishes her game on Wii’s Cooking Mama.

**Dear Auntie So Shall written by Auntie So Shall, also known as The Lady Who Tries Not to Leave Her House (TLWTNTLHH). Write to Dear Auntie So Shall at thedailypoophet at gmail dot com **